On turning 25

I turn 25 this Sunday!!!

I'm not sure why but for years 25 has scared me.
I think Joshua thought I was always kidding, I'm not.
It actually makes me feel a little anxious thinking about it.

Most of my friends are 25 or older, my husband is 25 and I'm fine with that
But me, 25, It feels old.
It feels like I should already be in a job I love
Should I own a house yet, should I be better at keeping a weekly schedule by now
Should I stop staying up until 2am on work nights

I really don't want to be old
But looking at my friends and at my parents I don't think they seem old
I know it's all in my head and that my birthday will probably come and
go and I won't feel a bit different and probably not actually even feel older,
but still my heart beats a little faster when I think about it

My fear is forcing me to figure out why I'm feeling like this
and what I'm taking for granted and maybe looking past
when it's all actually in front of me

also making me think more about what I want to do with my life
I had a conversation recently with my mom about this
and it was a good heartfelt conversation that has been sticking with me
making me remember what we want to do/become out here
and what I'm doing to work towards it

I'm actually hoping I'll have some epiphany before the 26th about it
but until then I'm allowing my thoughts to flow freely on it
and then hopefully I'll wrangle them together after I've given myself time to marinate in them

1 comment:

  1. Ever since my 21st I've dreaded every birthday. I don't want to get old either. But hey, at least you're married, have a job, and live on your own. I'm 24 and none of those things are coming up in my future so at least you are ahead of me on that!