On turning 25

I turn 25 this Sunday!!!

 

I'm not sure why but for years 25 has scared me.

I think Joshua thought I was always kidding, I'm not.

It actually makes me feel a little anxious thinking about it.

Most of my friends are 25 or older, my husband is 25 and I'm fine with that

But me, 25, It feels old.

It feels like I should already be in a job I love

Should I own a house yet, should I be better at keeping a weekly schedule by now

Should I stop staying up until 2am on work nights

I really don't want to be old

But looking at my friends and at my parents I don't think they seem old

I know it's all in my head and that my birthday will probably come and

go and I won't feel a bit different and probably not actually even feel older,

but still my heart beats a little faster when I think about it

My fear is forcing me to figure out why I'm feeling like this

and what I'm taking for granted and maybe looking past

when it's all actually in front of me

also making me think more about what I want to do with my life

I had a conversation recently with my mom about this

and it was a good heartfelt conversation that has been sticking with me

making me remember what we want to do/become out here

and what I'm doing to work towards it

I'm actually hoping I'll have some epiphany before the 26th about it

but until then I'm allowing my thoughts to flow freely on it

and then hopefully I'll wrangle them together after I've given myself time to marinate in them