Girlfriends

Having really good girlfriends has been a struggle for me my whole adult life. In elementary school and middle school I had a good group of friends, in high school depending on what sport I was in I'd have differing groups of good girl friends. But in college it was harder. I get along really easily with guys, I play sports, like nail guns and wore sweatpants almost every day freshman year.

But then it started to wear on me. I wanted some women in my life that actually were interested in the deeper parts of me. I wanted someone that wanted to invest in me. It was hard though, I'm a big sister and in a lot of friendships I felt like the big sister. I loved the girls in my life but I felt like I was giving a lot but not finding rejuvinaion or strength from the friendships. When I finally noticed it I just started praying, Joshua pushed me to work thorugh what was weighing on me and helped me think through it and remain concious of it in my life.

Finally I started to see God giving me these friendships and girls to meet with and talk about life with. I reached out to a woman who used to lead my youthgroup and she met with me and encouraged me. I began to feel more confident and started actually having fun hanging out with girls, where before I just felt selfconcious.

Moving out to Seattle I was afraid to lose what I had finally found. Most of my adult life I'd been yearning for what I was about to leave. The first few months in Seattle I just expected some girls to find me, befriend me, some girls from work to ask me to lunch. It didn't happen.

Joshua was making tons of guy friends at work but I really wanted girlfriends. To grab coffee with, work out with, talk about life with. Then after prayers, tears, and being really scared God gave me some women. Women that asked about my week, asked about my family, asked about my marriage and worries, asked what they could pray for me for.

As Joshua and I have been thinking a lot about friendship this year I am constantly reminded of the amazing women I've been blessed with in my life. Though the struggles I had in college and in moving to Seattle I feel like only lately am I in a place where I could be a really good girlfriend back. I didn't understand how to be that back to anyone so I couldn't accept it from anyone. Being the big sister was what I knew how to do and I knew I could help people or fix things. At this point in my life though I'm so so happy that I have women that don't need my help they'd rather have my company and conversation or eat cupcakes with me.

Whenever they say 1 more drink, or let's schedule next time, or I missed this I know God put these women in my life. Because I'm still not perfect at this girlfriend thing but I know He's trusting me to keep trying and these women are loving me through it.